Another one for ya! This time a tale of wonder, a tale of exploration, a tale of…beef.
[CW: Pretentiousness and awful food]
A Frank Review of McDongald’s
by Anthony Jutz
As I entered the McDongald’s, I found myself engulfed with a foreboding odor emanating from the bowels of the establishment. Letting this miasma of sadness and regret waft around me, I ordered a McChigcken. Alas, the McChigcken machine was broken, so I ordered a McDougble with a side of fries and an XL Cogke.
Settling in to feast upon the processed pittance upon my plate, I stared at it with wary eyes. Was this really how far I had sunk? Is this where I chose to sup upon my journey via automobile? The reality hit me, much like the utter stench upon entering this loathsome excuse of a restaurant. I truly had hit bottom.
I write this for you, dear diner. I write this for you, to let you know of the horror, the terror, the absolute regret of this slop-serving shithole of a franchise. I had no idea this was like this. Absolutely no awareness, no history of such decisions. I graduated with honors, god damnit.
Alas, I thought I was above such vittles. I now understand. My life is a shambles; my existence in question. I could have devoured so many more hateful, greasy, absolutely sumptuous abominations upon the face of the culinary arts. I sob, thinking about the wasted years. So many McChigckens left untasted.
This, dear diner, is the beginning. 2/5 stars.