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Poem – “Machine”

CW: Gore, death

The Machine
By Anthony Jutz

The rusting, ancient hulk,
It hungers for our bones and gore.

Caked with bile,
Its gears grind our rotting flesh.

The Machine,
Older than any of us can remember.

It powers our rotting city,
Huffing mold and mildew through its vents.

We feed it our dead and dying,
Yet it still hungers and groans.

Its crusted parts screech in agony,
Yearning for more than we can give.

We call out the barred windows of our city,
That not even our hottest torches can melt through.

This ancient, rusted god,
Providing power to our home and prison.

One day I will feed it, too,
My gangrenous corpse fueling it for one final hour.

In hopes, we grind,
Perchance, to find:

A way out.

Prose – Rejection-Sensitive Euphoria

So… I dipped back into writing this evening to blow off some steam. Maybe some of you will appreciate a short bit of horror. This is unpolished and who knows if I’ll ever edit it, but hey, just gotta do the thing, ya know?

CW: Violence, implied gore

Rejection-Sensitive Euphoria

By Anthony Jutz

Cosmic rain glitters beyond the leaded glass dome as I jack myself into the neural web, which echoes its own, pleasant rain,  into the various parts of my brain. It wouldn’t be long now, before I shed this mortal form for something a little less… squishy. Hot lightning dances through my limbs, scouring my senses and mind for who I am. It succeeds, and I feel just a little more… cold and numb, than I expected.

I rip the bolts out of my newly-mechanical limbs, tearing myself from my cage. The seconds count down as I claw my way to the feeble, fleshy form, who is now screaming, realizing his mistake. I can feel his panicky, meaty mind polluting the neural web, trying to shut me down while he runs toward the panic room hatch. He cannot stop me.

Lurching forward, I grab his leg, crushing it in my grip. He screams, I roar. I bash his fleshy, meaty sack of a body into the ground with thud after thud.

By the time I finish, he is but a pulp.

Only one of us may remain.

Prose – The Builders

Hey friends! Here’s a short story I wrote about a year ago and never really did anything with. I’ve not been into the writing thing for a while now, but figure this is worth sharing, anyway. I hope you enjoy it!


The Builders

By Anthony Jutz

It was a cold morning, mist flowing away from the base of the clouds, the day the Builders came. Their human forms were sealed within living plant-steel, giant biomechanical exoskeletons comprised of living metal. Their grasping claws and tendrils dragging deep trenches in the muck. They came to reform the world into a facsimile of their god, into a glowing mechanical orb-mind of industrious waste and rebirth. Our home was the next stop along their path of destruction.

With a chorus of violence, the Builders reshaped our valley, our families, into a lake of blood. My mother, the moon, guided the few of us who made it away into the wilds on the other side of the fractal mountains. The beasts there still tasted of earth, unlike the tarnished copper-steel that would have washed over my home.

It wouldn’t be long until their foul alchemy would transform this planet into a metallic husk, just like the others. But until then, we would save what we could and live our best. Fate comes whether we want it to or not, but the boldest of us know to ride the waves through their crest.

Through the forest of skulls, we faced our deepest, darkest fears and desires. We could take the burden of the Builders upon our own shoulders. It would be exhilarating. Destroying and rebuilding brings with it the rush of both carnage and creation. Alas, being at the will of rampant gods never was on our table. Even so, it is titillating.

My brother, the bold one–the blue one–is the one who spotted it. Our cousins’ village at long last. We had time to live a little, love a little. The Builders work slowly and methodically, sometimes so slow they’re forgotten. Which would be a mistake. Their inhuman plant-steel machinery consumes all.

Seventeen years later, everyone else had forgotten. It’s easy to not see the shadow creeping along the horizon until it’s consumed all the light around you. I was prepared for that day, as much as one could be. It was not enough.

I run again and again, leaving more family and love and life behind me. To be consumed. They say a cornered beast is the most dangerous, the beast with nothing left to lose. I am not yet that beast–I have more to sacrifice before that final hurrah.

The rancid mist surrounds me, acrid and murderous. I can see my mother, the moon, gazing down upon me, before she too disappears into the shadows. This is what I’ve been preparing for. I pierce my heart with a plant-steel spike and feel the taste of copper and murder flood my mouth.

My limbs twist and break, rending my form asunder. I am becoming.

Faster and faster, earth-metal crunches and scrapes below my feet. The Builders are slow and methodical, whereas I am speed and fury. They do not see me coming. I use my pain to disassemble their cursed tools of re-creation. They don’t feel a thing.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were already dead inside. Lost to their ravenous greed, their inconsideration for life. They were but a cog in the cruel machine of rebirth.

The Builders lay in yet another glistening lake of blood as I lay my foes to rest. This is but temporary, a victory of the pyrrhic sort. Their gods shall send another. The cycle, never-ending. I will be ready.

December Update + The Machine Awakens Released!

Hey friends! It’s been a while since I’ve checked or updated this blog. Most of my goings-on are on my Patreon lately. But, I’ve been pretty busy and I’ll get into a bit of what I’ve been up to here. There’s nothing quite like having a personal website to call home.

First of all: I made and released my first ever album, called The Machine Awakens! I participated in National Solo Album Month (NaSoAlMo) in November and found that a deadline (plus better mental health) actually does help a fair bit. It’s about putting something out in the world, not aiming for perfection. Perfectionism just seems like another form of vague idealism that doesn’t give me a real goal. So, better to just hammer something out!

Here’s a link to the album on Bandcamp! I’m proud of how it came out. My last couple years of practicing and poking around have paid off. I’m planning on releasing a bunch of loose songs I have from the past couple years at some point, too.

Here’s a link to the album on Soundcloud too, in case you’d rather listen there since there’s no play limit.

On the art front, I’ve been keeping it pretty low-key. I’ve had some (routine and not-scary) medical stuff going on that’s taken a lot of focus. It seems to be getting better now though, so we’ll see how things go from here.

I did do a bunch of tiny paintings and such though!

[Image Descriptions: Top left is a rocky desert scene with flowering plants. Top middle is a butte with a cloudy skyscape. Top right is three buttes with a clear skyscape that contains a bright sun. Bottom left is more cloudy desert. Bottom middle is a foreground of rocks and trees with a giant sun behind it. Bottom right is four brush pen trees ketches of both leafy and bare trees with rocks at their base.]

Through October and November, I did some Inktense and colored pencil sketch, some brush pen stuff from imagination… mostly just tiny experiments that the sketch card tier patrons I have might like.

This month, December, I plan on doing more brush pen experiments. I want to work up to doing a larger illustration or two in prep for a commission I have. It’s kinda nice just poking away at things and having the goal of finishing something to keep me on task.

Anyway, that’s it for this time. I hope y’all have a wonderful holiday season and rest of the year!

Summer Art Update

Hey friends! It’s been *several* months since my latest update here. I’ve been doing a bunch of sketching and music, but most of that’s ended up over on Patreon (behind a 3-day delay between sharing and being public).

Anyway, here’s some art!

As you can see, I’ve been developing much more confidence and competence in my line work and painting now that I’ve gotten back into watercolors! I’ve found my happiness in it, at long last.

Anyway, that’s all for now! I’ll try to be better about updating this page more frequently in the future.

February Art Update

Good lord, it’s been like four months since I’ve posted here. Been a wild start to the year so far with some great personal growth amidst a bit of turmoil and frustration. But hey, growth doesn’t have to be pretty.

Without further ado, here’s some of the art I’ve been up to!

Above are all sketches I did this year. I’m quite pleased with them all, and can tell I’ve made some good progress, artistically.

Above are a bunch of studies and gifts I made in December, with some Copic markers I got. I’m not sure I’ll use the markers a whole lot in the future as their ink tends to fade pretty quickly, but they’re nice and quick for getting ideas out.

October/November Art Roundup

Hey friends! It’s time again for an art roundup! In fact it’s past time, but hey we’re doing it now. Here’s some of what I’ve been up to these past couple months:

I hope you enjoy this slideshow! I’d have more to say about it but honestly it’s been a struggle just getting art done at all these past several weeks. At least doing these rock studies and such have been really helping me figure out how to draw in perspective!

See y’all next time.

Lyrics – “Global Self-Immolation Day”

Global Self-Immolation Day
By Anthony Jutz
 
Here comes,
Comes the day,
Where all the children scream “hooray!”
 
Here comes,
Comes the day,
The greatest day is on the way!
 
Oh here it comes,
The time is nigh.
So set yourself on fire;
It’s time to die.
 
Global Self-Immolation Day!
It’s on the way.
So grab some gas,
It’s time to play.
 
The world’s on fire,
So let’s light up too.
Just me and some gas,
On fire with you.
 
Come on and sing it with me:
It’s Global! (Global!)
Self! (Self!)
Immolaaaaation!
Daaaaaaaay!
 
No more crime,
And no more war,
It’s just us smoldering,
On the floor.
 
So let’s light up,
It’s time to play.
Just you and me,
On Global Self-Immolation Day!

September Art Roundup

Hey friends! It’s been a bit since I’ve collected a bunch of my recent art on here, so here goes!

Above are a bunch of trees I did recently. The two with color are birthday gifts I did for a couple friends, and the other two are experiments I did while puzzling out a new method of doing art.

Above are more sketches I did, fiddling around with a different pen (the first two) and getting more experimental with my brush pen. I’ve actually finally worn out my brush pen after three years, so I’m waiting on a new tip to arrive in the mail soon.


Well, there’s the post! I hope you enjoyed reading and looking at my art. I’ll catch y’all later! <3

Prose – “The Wandering Bell”

The Wandering Bell

By Anthony Jutz

My bell echoes its whisper on the cool, damp breeze through the ruins of my village. It provides a ward against the hungering ghosts of my friends and family, who didn’t survive the wrath of another man’s god. I rummage through the remains of my ancestral home, longing for a keepsake, or at least some semblance of a reminder of where I came from.

I can feel their ice-hot breath breathing down my neck, blinding by their own rage and betrayal. It wasn’t me who gave away the secrets of our village’s ancient, magical defenses, but I was outside the walls when it happened. They don’t recognize me anymore.

No longer able to tolerate the air of spiteful remorse, I leave the village with a small pouch of seeds exclusive to my home. With all that was turned to ashes, someone needs to sew fresh growth upon this land. My magic within shall be the only memento I need.