Castle in a Cave
by Anthony Jutz
[Contains mentions of: Illness, death penalty, and Canada, I guess]
I rest here, slouching upon my throne in my castle in a cave. Odd place to rule my kingdom from, yes, but you see, I am in exile. Exile…from the living. No, I am not dead and I resent you for asking.
Now. My throne has been usurped by my butler, a man once loyal as a goose and yet as volatile as also a goose. We are in Canada, yes, stop asking questions.
My dear butler, by the name of Butler, fed to me a soup most foul. A soup…made of fowl. Chicken soup. For you see, I had the flu. And this flu was no normal flu. It was the foul “bird flu”. Hence the soup.
I have been exiled to my cave within a castle… uhh. My castle within a cave, for you see, they did not wish me to contaminate the rest of the royal court. We play tennis on the regular and I am quite bad at it. Quite bad, indeed.
Our inter-kingdom tennis tournament is up and coming. The royal tennis court has won the past several tournaments, and each time I am infested with this ingested infection of that foul fowl. There is a conspiracy at hard, and yet here I am, in each instance banished…to my castle in a cave.
If I had my say they would all be executed! But we are a noble people and have since banned the death penalty. Instead, you are banished to this foul, awful, rather dusty and musty CASTLE in a CAVE.
Oh, it does appear my sentence has been lifted. Good day to you. And I understand it is popcorn season for you awful Tennis Scouts but THE SIGN SAYS NO SOLICITORS. Thank you and good day.